New Magazine
September 2004
She’s gorgeous, confident and has a great new job, so it’s hard to believe Kym Marsh has
battled anxiety attacks for the past six years. Here, the singer tells us about her
nightmare year, her preparations for another baby and why she’s happier now than ever
before…
Those of you who followed the fortunes of the kids from the New York School of
Performing Arts in the 80s will be aware that “fame costs”. It’s something that Kym
Marsh knows better than most.
Sitting cross-legged in the floor of her dressing room at London’s Apollo Victoria Theatre,
Kym is surrounded by good luck cards and drawings by her children David, nine, and
Emily, six. When the 28-year-old singer tells you that her life is better than ever, you can
well believe her. The feisty Wigan lass, who found fame three years ago on Popstars, now
has a staring role in the hit West End musical Saturday Night Fever, and the sort of
toned, slender body that only two hours of dancing a night achieves. “I'm really happy” she
grins, “I finally feel I know who I am.”
But fame has come at a price both for Kym’s health and personal life. She has suffered
recurring panic attacks for six years and still fears that they will return when things get
tough. And, as she tells us, this past year has been tougher than most for the mum of
two.
When we meet, Kym is a day away from a second honeymoon with her husband Jack
Ryder. Their first, two years ago, was, she admits, a disaster – while hey were in Corfu,
Kym was told her ex-boyfriend has committed suicide, her rabbit died and she got stung
by a wasp on her bum. So Kym has high hopes fir their forthcoming week in Cyprus. But a
year ago the couple were in crisis, after ex-Eastenders star, jack, 23, moved out of their
Herts home for a five-day trial separation. Then, last January, Kym’s solo pop career
came to an abrupt end after she was dumped by her record label.
But instead of scurrying fir the safety of obscurity, Kym set her sights on the stage.
“During the tough times, you put a smile on your face and soldier on” she says, “I’m not a
quitter”.
Shortly after our chat poor Kym’s nose was accidentally broken by a dancer, but she’ll be
back on stage this week and in Saturday Night Fever until January, after which she hopes
to tackle another musical. One thing’s for sure – we haven’t seen the last of Kym Marsh….
So how is the West End’s newest star?
Surprisingly confidant these days! When I’m on stage, its just like I’m having a giggle with
my friends, but the first few shows were pretty nerve-racking. Id braced myself for
criticism; I was aware there’d be people going, “come on then, impress us”. But,
thankfully, they’ve been writing pretty good stuff.
Do you get stage fright at all?
Not really, but I do still get anxiety attacks. I start feeling like I cant breathe properly; I
hyperventilate, my fingers get tingly, my heart races and my mouth goes dry, it’s a very
weird feeling and not nice at all.
When did the attacks start?
About six years ago. When I first started having them, long before popstars, they were
severe and I had to go to counselling to control them.
So what brings them on?
It’s triggered by stress and fear. At first I thought there was something seriously wrong
with me – apparently lots of people think they’ve got heart problems. I tried to come by
myself but the job hasn’t made things easier. When I was in Hear’say, I has a couple of
attacks while I was actually on stage.
What did you do?
I just had to carry on and mentally talk myself out of it. Now I try and think of the attacks
as an old friend. As much as I don’t like them, I just think to myself “you’ve been here
before, you know what happens”.
And Paul McKenna’s been helping you deal with them?
I’ve been to see him a couple of times, Pauls great. He makes these suggestions; if you’re
afraid you’ll mess up, he might suggest looking at the audience in a different way – see
them as funny or something – and then he’ll put that idea in your head under hypnosis
All in all, it’s been a pretty tough few months for you….
Well, I was dumped by my record label, jack and I had problems, and my dad had a
quadruple heart bypass, so obviously I've had a crappy year! We all go through bad times
and I’m not like “poor old Kym” but everything did seem to happen at once.
How did you feel when you were dropped by your label?
I spent three years in the pop industry and id say it’s a good 70 per cent of the time I was
unhappy. My life just feels so much better now. I’m doing something I love and I get to
spend loads of time with my kids and Jack. So it was a blessing in disguise.
You certainly look to be in fantastic shape…
I tried to go to the gym a lot before we started rehearsals, but now I have a two-hour
performance every night, plus a warm up beforehand, so I think that’s enough! I’ve never
been skinny – I’m naturally about 9st and a size 10 – but I’m currently about an 8. My
weights been steadily going down for the past three years and I’ve lost more since I
started the show. I’ve lost about an inch off my waist and my chest size has gone down,
too, which I’m a bit miffed about!
So will you have a boob job?
[Laughs] No!
Do you follow any special diet?
Not at all, I eat normally, but there are certain things I avoid, I try not to eat too much
bread – that’s the killer for me. I can’t have dairy or stodgy stuff. I once made the mistake
of having some chips just before the show, and they sat in my tummy while I was trying to
sing, so I learnt from that! I now eat something light, like chicken, two hours before going
onstage. I put on weight on easily if I eat the wrong things.
How much control did you have over your image when you were a solo artist?
Not an awful lot! I would try to go one way about it and would get pushed the other. I quite
liked the outfits, but some of the choices of singles I really wouldn’t have gone with….
Which singles?
[Laughs] Lets just say a few of them!
Are you disappointed you didn’t make it as a pop star?
Believe me, it’s not all its cracked up to be. The music industry is a weird place right now.
One minute you’re hot and next you’re in the gutter. If you’re a party animal with no family
ties, then great, but people don’t realise how much pressure there is on artists. Now I do
what I do because I decide to, not because someone says, “you have to go to that party
and wear that dress” I went to so many parties because my record company told me to.
What helped you get through your problems?
I believe in guardian angel. My grandfather, who died when I was 12, was so supportive of
everything I did. Now, whenever things go wrong, he’s the first person I think of. If I’m
nervous, I say “please grandad, if you’re there, help me”. And its funny because its almost
like I get this strength from somewhere.
You’re now back with jack – what does he mean to you?
Everything. He’s so supportive. We’ve had some rough times, but there’s a lot to be said
for a relationship that can go through ups and downs and come out stronger. We now
talk things through and that’s been the best medicine.
Did you think about divorce?
Oh no, nothing like that. We did have problems but it was nothing that couldn’t be sorted.
The hardest part was facing the press – if we’d let that take control that would have
been it.
Are you planning more kids?
Yes. Definitely. Hopefully, we’ll be extending the family next year. We both really want a
baby and the children adore Jack and are getting very excited about a brother or sister!